Monday, May 26, 2008

Memorial Day


Last night I celebrated Memorial Day, not at a party, but really celebrated the holiday. Kansas City is the home of the National World War I Memorial. With the Holocaust, Pearl Harbor, and all the other dramatic and fascinating things about WWII, most tend to forget what WWI was even about. It took a lot of brain power to think back to my days of High School history class and remember the who, what, when, where and why of the war. Actually, I could not remember much. Thankfully the museum helped refresh my memory. (If ever in KC, I suggest you visit).It was supposed to be the war to end all wars. Obviously, it was not. The trench warfare claimed about 20 million lives.
The WWI Memorial is the site of an annual Memorial Day celebration, complete with the Kansas City symphony and fireworks. It was amazing. For those of you from TX, think Concert in the Gardens on July 4th, except with only $2 parking instead of $20+ tickets per person. The most amazing part about it was unique to this year's program- Frank Buckles, the only current living US WWI veteran. He enlisted in WWI at 17. He stayed in Europe for a few years after the war to help people recover and even went on to fight in WWII, spending most of it at a POW camp in the Philippines. Frank is 107 years old. Can you imagine the stories he can tell? It was amazing to see him sitting there. Somehow, it helped the message and purpose of Memorial day hit home. I admit, as they played a song for him a teared up just a bit.
Between that and playing songs of each military branch as those who served stood all around me, I realized how amazing it truly is. I am not and will never be a fan of war. I love my country, but I am not sure I have the dedication these men and woman have. So many lost their lives so that I can enjoy freedom. They truly deserved to be honored with more than just an outdoor cookout.


Frank Buckles, age 16 and last night.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Summer in Romania

Only a little over two weeks until I am in Romania.
For those of you curious, here is a video from last summer's camps.
I was there week 6 (so look for some pics of me). This year, I will be a part of all but one of the camps. I cannot wait to see what God does this summer.

If you want to receive prayer updates or if you would like to support these kids financially, please let me know. I will be using this blog for pics and updates this summer. Thanks for reading it and I know this summer it will be filled with wonderful stories of how God is at work in Romania.

Friday, May 23, 2008

Erin's Goals (November 1996)


During my sophomore year of high school, one of my teachers had us create a booklet of our goals. We had to create a one year goal, five year goal, and a ten year goal. I remember thinking it was a silly assignment because who knew what life bring. While home in Kansas, I stumbled across my booklet.
My one year goal was simple - good grades and physical fitness.
My five year goal was to be in college at K-State or Colorado State. Ok, the college changed to TCU but I would call that exceeding my goal.
My ten year goal was the most interesting. I remember writing it thinking it was so far into the future. Ten years from then was last school year, my first year teaching English full-time. I wrote in the booklet, "My ten-year goal is to have a job of either a journalist or a teacher...I think having either job would make my life seem more complete and allow me to have fun and enjoy my work..." I wrote this book a few weeks before I became a Christian. It amazes me that God took me down that same path, one He had laid on my heart even before I knew Him. It is somewhat odd to me that I didn't put anything about a husband or family...I am pretty sure at the time I thought that 26 would be too soon for marriage and a family. My idea of a complete life was having a job I love.
During the years that followed college, I had no desire to teach or write. I struggled with what I wanted to do with life. Its funny that I constantly wrestled with something I had apparently figured out in 10th grade. I am proud to say I achieved all my goals.
(Now perhaps its time to set new ones...one, five, and ten years.)

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Trading in the "teacher clothes"

I just got back from a 2 hour trip to TJ Max, my new favorite store. A few weeks back I bought my Laundry brand "prom" dress there for $29.99 regularly $235. A few months ago, my mom and I bought some 7 jeans for only $50, regularly $170. No, I'm not trying to advertise for them, I just love big savings.
My summer in Romania will mostly be spent sleeping in M.A.S.H-style military tents and running around outside playing games. I decided my Ann Taylor LOFT teacher clothes, my fitted T-shirts and my LOFT and JCrew sweats would not do, partly because they are not made for sports, partly because either I've stretched out my sweatpants or shrunk me because they keep falling off. I really don't have anything else. So I hooked myself up with my credit card cashback bonus award in the form of a TJ Max gift card. Surely I could find some good stuff there and save money.
Today I stayed away from the dresses and jeans, despite serious temptation. I worked my way up and down the "active wear" area, a place I am not at all familiar with. To my delight, I found BCBG sweatshirt with a very cute design, regularly $130, only $30 for the top. What a great sweatshirt for Romania! It was only short-sleeved, but it was so "me". I carried it around the entire time, hunting for the matching pants. However I noticed the tag recommended dry cleaning. Hmm. Probably not what I need.
I am proud of me. It was very difficult to give up the designer brand, but I instead found a more practical wind and water resistant jacket, some black shorts, a pair of sweat pants that wont fall off, and few shirts made for sports. All of this was for less than one TJ Max-priced BCBG sweatsuit. And I still saved big - over $100 off original prices. I even found a USA soccer jersey that will fit perfectly in to our Olympics camp theme. My completely non-sporty self now owns real athletic gear instead of the fancy imitation stuff. Perhaps its the start of a less brand-obsessed me? Nah... I must confess, if I am going to give up my LOFT fashion for the summer and dress like an athlete, I will wear the best brand of active wear possible...all but one purchase was Adidas :)
Now if only wearing Adidas attire would make me a great athlete...at least I'll look the part.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

New Kids on the Block aren't so new anymore...

this is not spiritual at all...but it needed to be said...
When I was in 4th grade, I was in love with Joey McIntyre...or so I thought.
Since then, the band that later became NKOTB disappeared from the spotlight. Boybands took over the airwaves, and still not a sound or song from my favorite boy band. Now finally at last, they are making a comeback.
New Kids on the Block are not so new and not at all kids though...the youngest is about 35 now. I'm not sure how that will go over with fans. I am willing to bet some of their youthful charm has faded. Most young girls don't find themselves drooling over 30-40 somethings.
Although the new single doesn't sound too bad, the lyrics are lacking...
Listen to how the lyrics describe a girl the first time they met during a Summer romance in 1988... "With your flip flops, half shirt, short shorts, mini skirt, Walkin' on the beach, so pretty..." Have you ever seen a girl wear short shorts AND a mini skirt? I know the 80s and early 90s had some odd fashion, but I don't even think its possible. Maybe the song writer meant that the girl was wearing a skort? Very popular back in '88. (I'm sure that's not what the writer meant, but could he not have come up with another article of clothing to fill the beat that made more sense?)
Then there is this one...
"I was like, "hey, girl, can I get your number" I remember what you told me too, "Don't call after ten" But you know that I did, 'Cause I couldn't stop thinkin' 'bout you." TOO and YOU rhyme...I will give them that.
Props for trying to fit big words like "reminisce" into a song. I'll stop with the lyrics there because who knows if the New Kids had anything to do with writing the song.
It actually reminds me of Justin Timberlake's Summer Love...perhaps a sequel to the song, years later when the young 20 year old subject of Summer Love is nearing 40 and having a mid-life crisis :).
If you're going to make a comeback after almost 20 years of absence, you really need an amazing song. This is not it. My loyalty is still to Joey though, so I will try my best to enjoy the song.
Then and Now (honestly, I think its an improvement for most of them)

Saturday, May 10, 2008

From the pages of my journal...

Tonight I spent an evening in, to work on some cleaning and organize some stuff for Romania. In my search for my power adapter, I came across my journals, my 16 journals, a record of my life from 2000 until now. Curiosity drew me in and I began to flip through the pages of each one.
I remember many times in my life where I felt like I hit rock bottom and wondered how I ever got to that point. I came across a few of those entries which were interesting, however I found that if flipped back a few months, there was the answer. I always knew I was headed the wrong direction.
My most recent struggle seemed to come out of nowhere. I flipped back to a journal from years ago, the month that I began this situation that I currently struggle with. These are real words day by day for about a month and half when my problems started. It keeps going for a year of journaling. I am amazed at my lack of wisdom and how I let myself just walk into a problem. I realized tonight that I should probably pay attention to what I have been journaling... These are my words from the beginning of a serious time of spiritual struggle:
"What fun tonight. But what danger...."
"I am making poor social decisions..."
"This needs to end. 5 nights of no journaling..."
"This lifestyle is pointless...I am in no way growing spiritually..."
"My quiet times are slowly disappearing..."
"Friendship should be so much deeper than socializing..."
"What is the point of all this? None of this will last..."
"Responsible decision making would be nice, but..."
"My mind knows nothing about what it wants..."
"This isn't working. What is the point...this is NOT drawing me closer to You..."
"I scarcely remember who I was..."
"I am scared about who I am capable of becoming..."
"This confuses me...I feel like I am becoming someone I'm not..."
"I am setting myself up for extreme disappointment..."
"What am I becoming?..."
"Who am I and what am I doing?...."
"What is this drama?..."
"Obviously, I am straying from You, but..."
"Fix me...I don't know what I think of feel anymore..."
"I don't want this life..."
"I need to be changed..."
"More church. No growth. An endless pattern..."
"I don't want to be a part of this..."
"A wasted day..."
"I left. I don't want to go back...only back to You..."
"I barely remember who I was..."
"I cannot do this anymore..."
As I began to struggle, and the same struggle filled my journal for over a year. My first reaction seeing this was that I am an idiot. How sad that I clearly knew God's direction but followed after my own desires? I know I did not guard my heart from these problems. I know I made selfish decisions that obviously affected my journaling and relationship with God. I am back on track now, still needing to grow and heal, but hopefully I will not allow myself to be so blinded again.

Thursday, May 08, 2008

Perhaps my job is better than I thought...

For some reason, today I was thinking about a few things I love about my job that would be hard to duplicate anywhere else:
I have a 15 minute highway-free commute to work.
My bank is less than a minute drive away.
The post office is less than a minute drive away.
I get to dress up fancy for prom every year.
I get summers off.
Instead of staring a boring computer, I get to interact with teenagers who are unpredictable make me laugh so much (on good days that is, when they are awake!)

Thursday, May 01, 2008

Highs and Lows

Every Friday, my students and I do this thing called "Highs and Lows"...the best part and worst part of your week. The rule is you cannot share a "low" without a "high" because its not good to focus on just the negative. I realize when it comes to my job, I have not been doing that...so here are some "Highs" from the year...names are changed for legal reasons :)

Manuel read the book Night completely on his own and loved it. He told me it was the first book he read since Green Eggs and Ham. He was so excited. He and I had many great conversations during and after the book. As the term unfolded, he dropped out to work full time. Although I wish he was still in school, Manuel is determined to be a good father to his newborn son. I am glad I got to make an impact on his life before he left.

James transformed himself into an amazingly convincing lawyer, defending Jack Merridew for his alleged crimes in Lord of the Flies. Not only was it wonderful acting that belonged in a court drama, but this gangster had everyone entertained. He had rarely succeeded in school and loved that he was able to do so well on the project. He also loved that he had a chance to carry out his dream to be an entertainer. (Unfortunately he was so good at it because he has had a bit too much experience in court and I think that is why he is no longer at our school...hopefully I will see him back next year).

Selena, who hated my class and me the first term, was in trouble in all her classes often for anger problems and fighting. She has passed all my classes and is starting to open up to me. She read ahead in our class book (Night) just because she wanted to during TAKS week and she is starting to show some of her real emotions, especially when we talked about abuse. I can tell its a part of her story and I am praying for more chances to talk to her.

John and his brother dropped out of school at the beginning of the year, shortly after their fifteenth birthdays, and have been out all year. They just came back last week. Although they are disappointed to be in the same class yet again, (tends to happen when you drop out in the middle of a term) John has a really good attitude this time around- I think he is finally mature enough to make it this time around.

David is one of the smartest students I have seen at my school. Last term, he skipped often and seemed to be on drugs every day. He never did his work and did not seem to care. I know he had some serious legal intervention, which may seem bad from his perspective, but now he is such a blessing to my class. He is doing all his work and wanting to research the Holocaust above and beyond what we learn in class. He is teaching me new things each day. He keeps me on my toes and calls me out on anything I don't seem to know well (a lot more than it should be). He is on his 4th year as a 9th grader and I think he is finally ready to move to 10th grade!

Amanda, one of the angriest looking girls I have ever seen, was placed in my advisory. The first time I saw her, she was in a Playboy Bunny jacket (totally out of dress code) and I was afraid to say anything- she looked scary. I figured she would be trouble. But God had other plans. I have never had any student open up to me so much. She has shared so much of her struggles. This year, her son was born. She managed to get off drugs so she could be a good mother. She had her own mother taken from her a few weeks ago...her own mother who helped Amanda and all her sisters become drug addicts. Her 12 year old sister is in foster care and still using drugs. Amanda is determined to help influence her positively. She comes to me to talk almost daily.

Juan has been a student of mine since my very first term. He was in my writing class and refused to write any essays...so he failed. He and I started talking and I learned that when he was in 7th grade, his teacher told him his writing was horrible along with some other choice words. The teacher probably had a bad day and thought nothing of it. Juan had not written any essays since. In the last two years, through encouragement from teachers, Juan had the courage to write again and finally passed ELA TAKS. He still needs to write an essay for my English class, then he can graduate. Although he hates writing, Night was his favorite book so is going to write it. I will get to see him graduate in June! I am not sure I could be more excited for anyone else except maybe my own child someday. I cannot wait to see him walk across that stage!