Today I received a call from a strange number. Because I was in the middle of training for work, I did not answer. Instead, I waited for the first break and anxiously dialed my voicemail. Who could it be? I always get so excited about strange numbers. Very odd of me because I am not sure who I would be expecting that could possibly be worthy of my excitement. This call was definitely not worthy. "Hi this is Kendall your trainer from the YMCA. I noticed you canceled our appointment last month and I have not seen you since. I was wondering if you want to reschedule". Yikes. Excuses went running through my head. I canceled the appointment in April because I had a DNOW that came up last minute. Very worthy cause. Then because I was at DNOW all weekend, I had to catch up on sleep that week, so I didn't work out. Finally I was caught up on sleep but behind on work; I had to stay late to grade papers. Besides, I was out of town during the weekend. Then I had to spend that week unpacking and doing laundry. The next weekend I got to sleep in because I earned it (How did I earn it? I woke up early on the Saturday I was out of town. Everyone knows if you wake up early one weekend you automatically earn the right to sleep in ridiculously late the next weekend.) And then I was sick for an entire week. So there you go Kendall. That is why you have not seen me.
Isn't it amazing how easy it is to fall out of a habit? I was doing so great with working out - every Tues, Thur and Sat. for two months. There was never any problem. I was just as busy as I am now. I had a legitimate reason for not going that first Saturday (It would have been odd to wake up at a DNOW and drive 45 minutes to my gym and back again before beginning the days lessons, am I right?) However, the excuses just came pouring in after that. All of them are valid concerns and struggles. It took so long to build the habit, and now it’s not even a thought in the back of my head.
Working out is healthy, but not essential for me right now. Unfortunately, this problem is not limited to the YMCA. It’s amazing how just one mistake can send me in a downward spiral. I was sick the last two weeks, unable-to-function sick. I could not hold my pen to journal. I remember crying out many prayers for healing, but not prayers for others. I am sure God will understand. Then I start to feel a little better, but I still feel a little ill, so perhaps no Bible reading tonight. Then I start to feel completely better, but its May and I haven't picked out what I want to read for this month yet. I will pick it out tomorrow, or the next night, or...oh my goodness its already May 10!
My youth Bible study Wed. night, my peer Bible study Wed. night, and the singles Bible study tonight ALL were about 2 Peter 1. After careful consideration, I decided perhaps God was trying to teach me something :) As I am working on memorizing verses 5-9, I am stuck on the word diligence. I wish I had the Greek, but I don't so for now dictinary.com will have to do. (If you know the Greek, please share). Diligence means a constant and earnest effort to accomplish what is undertaken; persistent exertion of body or mind. His grace is so amazing, and because of His grace, I should be seeking moral excellence, knowledge, self-control, perseverance, godliness, brotherly kindness and love. I am not even sure I grasp the meaning of all those characteristics, but I do know I am not diligently seeking anything. Peter goes on to say that he who lacks these qualities has forgotten his purification from sin. I would never want to admit that, but when I fail to seek Him, I am doing that very thing.
Excuses may work for the YMCA (though Kendall might disagree). They obviously won't cut it for God. I am either diligently seeking Him or I am forgetting His grace.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Saturday, May 05, 2007
Disappointment
My latest major disappointment? Spider-Man 3. No, this is not a movie review. Keep reading.
The Spider-Man movies have been some of my favorites. I grew up watching the cartoon with my brother Saturday mornings.
The first two movies lived up to my expectations. This last one had a bit too much. Too many villains too little time to develop their characters. I knew in my head how the story was supposed to go. I left the theater entertained, but a bit disappointed. What I had conjured up in my head was so much more amazing. (What's that? This is sounding like a movie review? I told you its not. No, it’s actually about God. Confused yet?)
I was lying in bed last night thinking. If I had not spent so much time thinking about the movie, I probably would have enjoyed it more. Now I am not a nerd; I did not spend hours on end thinking about Peter Parker, but I wasted time anticipating the movie. Everything I imagined it being in my head set the movie up to disappoint me.
As I was pondering this thought in those moments in between asleep and awake, God twisted my thoughts to Him.* How often do I sit and imagine my future? Sometimes its worry. Sometimes its just daydreaming: My future job; My future spouse; My future home. I even spend time imagining my next days, hours, and even the future that is only a few minutes ahead. What a waste of time! I have all these expectations in my mind. When I get a specific idea in my head of what I want tomorrow to look like, I theoretically set God up to disappoint me.
But He never has! Not once. I remember when my whole world was high school. I tried to picture what college would be like. College was so much more fun than I would have ever thought. I know have imagined up some pretty amazing jobs for my future. My favorite was working with youth in New York City. I told anyone and everyone I was going there. (Hmm, James 4:13-15 maybe would have helped there!) I work at a school for at-risk teenagers in River Oaks, TX. Have you even heard of River Oaks? Let's just say its no NYC. And I teach English. I distinctly remember telling my journalism advisors on more than one occasion that I would not make my second teaching field English. I refused. I NEVER wanted to teach English. Yep, God, You're funny sometimes. :)
I can spend hours daydreaming about my ideal job, man, house, or family. God is more amazing then my feeble mind. I would have never thought up my current job, but its perfect for right now. And the ideal man...ok still waiting for that one...but since God is better than my daydreams this one will be a good one :)
The point is this - Why even daydream? What a waste of time! I started thinking about the thing I have probably spent the most time in my life daydreaming about - my future spouse. I am a normal girl, so I don't think I spend more than the average girl thinking about it. Let's say that since I was 16 or so I spend about 5 minutes a day daydreaming about a guy. (Its probably more like 3 hours a day during those times I had crushes and no time at all in those few in between crush-free phases). Ten years later that is 12 days of my life wasted. I am pretty sure whatever type of guy I was daydreaming about at 16 isn't really applicable to what I want now. I know there are countless other things I spent at least 5 minutes a day daydreaming about. I could have spent that time doing something much more eternally significant. Even now, whatever type of guy I am daydreaming about, after much personal growth and maturity, still probably isn't exactly what God knows I need. The same can be said about my future job, home, and children.
So what then should I do instead? While reading Romans 5, God really pointed something out to me. Verse 5 says "And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." I am not a take-the-scripture-out-of-context kind of girl. It would be easy to say that this means if I hope that God will send me a man, He sure will. If I hope for NYC, I will get there. Not quite. Verse 2 explains that the hope is in the Glory of God. If I hope that I will glorify God with my life, He will send me the ways to do that. Right now, He has sent me a great job. If He wants me to glorify Him through a family, He will not disappoint me - He will send the man and later the children.
My response instead of daydreaming? Praise for what He has done, and prayer for what He will do. What if instead of daydreaming, I had spent 12 days in prayer over the last 10 years? Regret, ironically, would be a waste of time. Change is the only option.
*and yes I really did have ALL these thoughts when I was only partially awake :)
The Spider-Man movies have been some of my favorites. I grew up watching the cartoon with my brother Saturday mornings.
The first two movies lived up to my expectations. This last one had a bit too much. Too many villains too little time to develop their characters. I knew in my head how the story was supposed to go. I left the theater entertained, but a bit disappointed. What I had conjured up in my head was so much more amazing. (What's that? This is sounding like a movie review? I told you its not. No, it’s actually about God. Confused yet?)
I was lying in bed last night thinking. If I had not spent so much time thinking about the movie, I probably would have enjoyed it more. Now I am not a nerd; I did not spend hours on end thinking about Peter Parker, but I wasted time anticipating the movie. Everything I imagined it being in my head set the movie up to disappoint me.
As I was pondering this thought in those moments in between asleep and awake, God twisted my thoughts to Him.* How often do I sit and imagine my future? Sometimes its worry. Sometimes its just daydreaming: My future job; My future spouse; My future home. I even spend time imagining my next days, hours, and even the future that is only a few minutes ahead. What a waste of time! I have all these expectations in my mind. When I get a specific idea in my head of what I want tomorrow to look like, I theoretically set God up to disappoint me.
But He never has! Not once. I remember when my whole world was high school. I tried to picture what college would be like. College was so much more fun than I would have ever thought. I know have imagined up some pretty amazing jobs for my future. My favorite was working with youth in New York City. I told anyone and everyone I was going there. (Hmm, James 4:13-15 maybe would have helped there!) I work at a school for at-risk teenagers in River Oaks, TX. Have you even heard of River Oaks? Let's just say its no NYC. And I teach English. I distinctly remember telling my journalism advisors on more than one occasion that I would not make my second teaching field English. I refused. I NEVER wanted to teach English. Yep, God, You're funny sometimes. :)
I can spend hours daydreaming about my ideal job, man, house, or family. God is more amazing then my feeble mind. I would have never thought up my current job, but its perfect for right now. And the ideal man...ok still waiting for that one...but since God is better than my daydreams this one will be a good one :)
The point is this - Why even daydream? What a waste of time! I started thinking about the thing I have probably spent the most time in my life daydreaming about - my future spouse. I am a normal girl, so I don't think I spend more than the average girl thinking about it. Let's say that since I was 16 or so I spend about 5 minutes a day daydreaming about a guy. (Its probably more like 3 hours a day during those times I had crushes and no time at all in those few in between crush-free phases). Ten years later that is 12 days of my life wasted. I am pretty sure whatever type of guy I was daydreaming about at 16 isn't really applicable to what I want now. I know there are countless other things I spent at least 5 minutes a day daydreaming about. I could have spent that time doing something much more eternally significant. Even now, whatever type of guy I am daydreaming about, after much personal growth and maturity, still probably isn't exactly what God knows I need. The same can be said about my future job, home, and children.
So what then should I do instead? While reading Romans 5, God really pointed something out to me. Verse 5 says "And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." I am not a take-the-scripture-out-of-context kind of girl. It would be easy to say that this means if I hope that God will send me a man, He sure will. If I hope for NYC, I will get there. Not quite. Verse 2 explains that the hope is in the Glory of God. If I hope that I will glorify God with my life, He will send me the ways to do that. Right now, He has sent me a great job. If He wants me to glorify Him through a family, He will not disappoint me - He will send the man and later the children.
My response instead of daydreaming? Praise for what He has done, and prayer for what He will do. What if instead of daydreaming, I had spent 12 days in prayer over the last 10 years? Regret, ironically, would be a waste of time. Change is the only option.
*and yes I really did have ALL these thoughts when I was only partially awake :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)