Domestic Violence Awareness Month

Today was a reality check for me. February is Domestic Violence Awareness month and we had a guest speaker from the police department come speak to the students. Normally when guest speakers visit, the students try to be polite, but nod off in boredom. Today was different. They listened intently. And they were vocal. They were sure of their opinions and shared willingly. Male and female both argued the same points. Overall, most the students said and agreed on the following:

1. Sometimes in a relationship, you deserve to get hit (Even girls deserve to get hit by guys sometimes).

2. Girls should know better to stay out of certain things and keep their place (one of the GIRLS said this, and many agreed)

3. It is ok to be jealous and keep tabs on someone you are in a relationship with because it shows love

4. It is ok to control things like cell phone use or who each hangs out with as long as you mutually agree to be controlling.

I don't even know what to say to this. I want to pull aside the girls who readily admitted they are in a relationship where they have been hit, about 10 girls whom I am close to and many others. They don't see any other way. No matter what was said by the speaker or us, they see abuse as a part of life. I can't imagine. It breaks my heart for them, and for many of their children that they will teach the same too. It never occurred to me that the same students who we see fighting in the school hallways as a means of problem solving take the same approach in their dating lives.

Throughout the month of "awareness" and today, it was said that if you are with an abuser you need to get out of that relationship. The cycle of abuse is hard to break and people do not change unless they want to. I realize now that for many males AND females in the room, they were actually the abusers and they did not see anything wrong. They have no desire to change.

Today was just another day when teaching grammar and literature seemed so pointless in perspective. Who cares if they can pass TAKS if this is the life the life they look forward to? So many more important lessons are needed. How does one even begin to make a lasting impact?

Sex Ed vs. Abstinence Ed

This may be a bit controversial. I tried to explain myself clearly. You don't have to agree...just know that as a teacher and a Christian, these are my thoughts.
Today at work, I talked to a young 16 year-old mother-to-be about her desire take a short vacation as soon as she has her baby because she deserves one. She has no idea that a mother NEEDS to be with her newborn. And a few classes later, I spent 30 minutes talking to one of my male students who is going to take his girlfriend to get an abortion over the break, even though he does not agree with the idea. It broke my heart.
Recent news reports in TX have been debating if the abstinence education programs have been effective. Statistics seem to say the teen pregnancy rate is higher than other states with sex ed programs like California. As a teacher of these teens, I had to react. These are not numbers to me...these are my kids.
The first thing they don't tell you on the news is that California's teen pregnancy rate is not lower, the teen birth rate is lower (similar amounts of girls get pregnant in Cali, but more of the girls have an abortion). And this can hardly mean the STD rate is significantly lower in Cali.
The second thing they don't tell you is that MOST of my students know how to have safe sex. Even the ones not having sex. Most know about STDS. I have even overheard them list symptoms and try to help diagnose each other (eww). But most do not use protection. Why? Because they have had abstinence education instead of sex ed? NO! The reason why my students do not use protection is because they don't want to. These things cannot happen to them. They will not get pregnant. They will not get an STD.
Teenagers have always been known for daring behavior and their "it can't happen to me" attitude. They can be the most brilliant teen in the world and they still might decide to do something crazy- like drive 100mph on the highway, not because they don't know the danger but because nothing will happen to them. We can teach them all about safe driving, but chances are they will still take the risk. I'm pretty sure my own car reached similar speeds in my teen years. We were just bored and having fun. Nothing could happen to us. (Even though we had people in our own class die from the same thing)
My point? My students are not getting pregnant or contracting STDs because they are naive. They do not need Sex Ed to teach them. They are not having unprotected sex because they don't know where to get protection. Most my students tell me they wont use pills because they don't like the way the pills make them feel (they were on them for a while). Most don't use other forms of protection because it "hinders" feelings and they know they won't get pregnant. They also know that the other one is "clean". Schools can spend millions of dollars and hundreds of hours educating kids on "safe" sex and the reality is, the students will still find themselves invincible.
So what about abstinence? Many people see it as a joke. Too many people think that no young person would ever be able to wait until marriage. If the adults have that attitude, how on earth can they expect teens to feel confident that they can wait? Many succeed. But teenagers can be as committed as they want to abstinence and fail. The reality is that abstinence education apart from the commitment to God is almost impossible. Most my students who have sex are not doing it for "fun" at first, but because they desire to feel loved. They may be taught that sex is not love, but that doesn't change the fact that it can feel like a substitute temporarily. Only a relationship with God can fill that emptiness. The teens who succeed in their abstinence vows are not more moral than others. And they do not succeed because of better abstinence education programs. They succeed because they KNOW that God loves them - they do not feel the void that so many have. All of those who are committed to abstinence at my school are vocal about how they commit because of their relationship with Christ. They come from the same difficult at-risk backgrounds as the others, but manage to abstain. They may be tempted, but the reality that God has a plan for their future and the commitment they made to Him is what allows them to have discipline.
Can we teach that in a class? Schools can encourage abstinence all they want, but the truth is, apart from a relationship with God, teens will continue to try to fill the void of love with something, and the temptation will most likely be too hard to resit.
It saddens me that so few of my students have the confidence to avoid saying no to sex even when they originally wanted to wait. It saddens me how many get pregnant and had refused to use pills because they think they look ugly when they gained a little weight from them (or sometimes their guy told them they looked ugly when they gained weight...they aren't even confident enough to protect themselves). It saddens me that some of them PURPOSELY get pregnant so that someone, their baby, will love them unconditionally (and yes, they will tell you this is the reason). It saddens me to know that many of them probably have STDS but I don't even want to ask or know. It breaks my heart most of all that I know that Christ can change their heart and attitude and give them the unconditional love, confidence and joy they so long for in a relationship...but the world labels Christ as offensive for me to share.

(I share anyway anytime I have a chance, and shared today especially with the male struggling with the abortion decision - he asked, God opened the door, I shared. If only that could be the "Sex Ed" curriculum)

My Students

This week was a really bad week. This blog is more for me to remember months from now than it is for you to read. But read anyway...
These past few weeks I have encountered the most disrespect I have ever experienced from my students. I'm really struggling to have compassion for them. Their culture is so lost, and sometimes it just frustrates me that they cannot see that constant drug use, gangs, carrying guns around, and having babies at 14 is not healthy for them emotionally or physically! (And of course, not at all spiritually!) But I graded their essays about fear and/or a journey and here are a few of topics they wrote...puts things in perspective:

When my sister and her girlfriend were killed by a drunk driver
When my dad died of lung cancer last year
I used to watch my stepdad hit my mother and I do not want to be like that to my own baby (that she is currently pregnant with)
I am trying to be a responsible teenage mother (more than one of these essays)
Being chased by the police when I had drugs (he did not get caught)
When a friend was almost shot at a party
When my father abused my mother (both who were drug addicts)
Finding my fathers gun for the first time
Taking ecstasy for the first time feeling I might die
Going to jail for theft
Stealing car radios and getting shot at and chased
Getting evicted from our home with no where to go
Running away with a friend who then wanted to use me for sex and then sleeping on the streets instead until I was so scared I went home

Field Trip

Today I experienced my first ever field trip with my students. I have tried (and failed) many times to take students to the Holocaust Museum in Dallas. After all sorts of ridiculous problems, we were finally able to make it a reality.
Nineteen at-risk 10th grades (from age 14-19) gave up their "Christmas Movie Day" today to instead go to the museum. They were so excited. We loaded the bus and headed to Dallas.

My students just finished reading the book "Night" by Elie Wiesel. So many of them read ahead in the book, and most say its the best book they have every read. Some say its the only book they ever actually read. A few ask if they can have a personal copy.
We were blessed to hear a survivor speak. As we waited anxiously, we talked about how this is probably the only time they will hear a survivor. We discussed how their children won't have that option because the survivors are aging. My only pregnant girl on the trip proudly proclaimed that her daughter is getting to hear a survivor. I smiled. We talked about how when her daughter learns about the Holocaust in school, she will probably be the only one that ever had that opportunity, even if there is no way she will remember it.
Max Glauben shared with us. His story was amazing.(See it on YouTube link at end of this blog)
We combined with another school, with about 50 students of their own. My students listened, most with wide eyes. One of my favorite students, lets call her Julie, was the only one bold enough to ask any questions after his talk. She asked how he was able to stay alive with so much discouragement. Glauben shared about his faith helping him persevere. I was so proud of her.
His talk was about an hour and one of my most difficult students looked a bit bored. Let's call him Mike. I was disappointed because I thought he had tuned out. But then Glauben mentioned his tattoo, explaining how inhumanly it was applied. Mike is a tattoo artist, and his attention was immediately captured. After the talk, Mike was the only student brave enough to ask to see the tattoo up close.
Mike and I had some issues this term. He had been so disrespectful to me and our substitute, so I told him he could not go on the field trip. When we finished the book, he begged me to let him go, offered to pay his own way, and wanted his own copy of the book to read again. I gave in.
Today, I almost cried when he came up to me to tell me about seeing Glauben's tattoo. He said "Thank you so much for taking me, miss. This was a really amazing experience." I have never heard him so genuine.
As we made our way through the really small museum exhibits, my students spent SO much time reading and listening to their audio guides. I am not very good with museums and especially audio guides. I think they did better than I did. They took photos and asked me questions. They learned so much even though the museum was small. On the way back, they were hungry and rowdy, but after about 10 minutes, they all fell asleep :)
As I looked around at them sleeping and recalled their comments to me all day, I was so grateful for a chance to be part of this experience. Most of them will remember this experience the rest of their lives. They knew I fought hard to be sure the field trip happened. I have never seen such impact or gratitude. I am so blessed to be a part of shaping their lives.

from on RO to another

As I prepare to write this blog, part of me wishes I was still in Romania and everyone around me is aware that my heart is still there I really just did not want to be back at work in River Oaks. But God has really encouraged me this week.
Anyone who knows me well knows that I like my job MOST of the time, but my biggest discouragement is that students will drop out suddenly. It sometimes makes me feel like it is all pointless. However, today I was blessed with two wonderful students back in my life. They were on my heart and in my prayers months after they left, and now today I once again have a chance to be a part of their lives. In a previous blog back in May, I wrote about both these students. Read there backgrounds here http://elamourie.blogspot.com/2008/05/highs-and-lows.html. The first I called Manuel. He read his first book ever in my class and we talked many days as he shared his fears about being a young father. He was kicked out of school for low attendence. He had to work so he could afford to support his son. Today I saw him for the first time since April. He was so excited to see me and told me how his son had grown so much. He still feels graduation is impossible, but he is determined to finish school so he will provide a great life for his son. I am so excited that I get to be part of his life again.
The second was Amanda. One day last May she just stoppped showing up. I knew she had just ended things for good with her "baby's daddy" and was worried where she could be. Today she came back. She could not stop talking about her son and all the time she had spent with him this summer. I know she feels like she can be open and honest with me still and I look forward to continuing to build my relationship with her.
Today also deepen a relationship. A student I had last year came to me today because she is pregnant. Let's call her Maggie. She is so scared and considering her options. She and I talked a lot about adoption but she knows her parents would never let her have that option. They will want her to keep the baby , but she has goals and plans that cannot happen being a teenage mother. They would probably kick her out among other things. We talked about Gladney Adoption Center and I shared what it felt like to be adopted. I was honest with all her questions, even the hard ones. She is thinking things through and I hope and pray I can help her make the decisions she needs to make.
Now I remember why I love to teach :)

Back to reality...

My apologies for the delay in this blog. Its been a long journey home, which included my laptop finally meeting its end my first day back in Texas. My blog is blocked at work, so I was forced to wait until I found a working computer to write.
Being back in Texas has been very surreal. It turns out I am not a full-time camp counselor, I am an English teacher. That was a harsh realization when my alarm rang Monday morning. It was hard to know a week of camp went by in Romania while I was sleeping away the jet lag. It’s hard to live in an apartment by myself when I spent the entire summer living with many roommates - twenty at the highest point. And most of all, its hard to be away from the kids. I loved getting to know Alina and Ovi, the Livada follow up staff, while in Romania. Not only was their friendship was such a blessing, but I also now can have complete confidence that each child and teenager will have amazing people pouring into them all year long. I trust that I will be back in Romania some day, hopefully someday soon. For now, my connection lives on via e-mail, Facebook, Yahoo Messenger, and most importantly, prayers. I have no idea what God has in mind for my future, no idea what part Romania will play in His plans for my life, but I do know that my heart will forever be connected to Romania and all the staff, translators, and kids I met this summer.
Thank you so much for all of you who read along with my travels and joined me in prayer. For now, this blog will return to my thoughts and adventures in teaching. You are welcome to keep reading, and hopefully someday this will once again transform into a Romania blog.

Perhaps my job is better than I thought...

For some reason, today I was thinking about a few things I love about my job that would be hard to duplicate anywhere else:

I have a 15 minute highway-free commute to work.

My bank is less than a minute drive away.

The post office is less than a minute drive away.

I get to dress up fancy for prom every year.

I get summers off.

Instead of staring a boring computer, I get to interact with teenagers who are unpredictable make me laugh so much (on good days that is, when they are awake!)

Growing up too fast

Last night, I was finally able to see the movie Enchanted. I secretly wanted to see it in theaters, but my 20-something peers had no desire to spend their hard earned dollars on Disney flicks. That is why I love working with youth. At the girls retreat last night, we piled into the youth room and watched Amy Adams sing her heart out on the projectors. Only Adams wasn't the only one singing. The girls could not sit still. By the time the song "How does He know that You love Him" came on, the girls were actually up dancing and skipping around the room. They had blankets and pillows waving everywhere as a line of girls followed the "leader" around in circles imitating the random people following Adam's character around in the movie. It made me smile.

I had a really long week at work. I was almost in tears with stress and frustration. (See the last post for just a tiny bit of the drama). I can't tell you what a blessing it was to leave my students and spend time with youth. The difference - the youth aren't afraid to still be kids. The girls skipping around singing were the exact same age as some of most my students - yet my students conversations tend to be about clubbing, drinking and drugs or worries about pregnancy, tickets, or problems with parents. As the youth sang and danced, I tried to imagine how my little gangsters would act if they were in the room.

It's actually really sad. Sometimes I wish I could pull my students aside from their conversations and tell them its okay to be young. What happened to good old fashioned fun? I remember some birthday parties in early high school that consisted of singing songs from Grease at the top of our lungs. This week, I walked by during a conversation of a group of girls were each was defending themselves, saying of course they were not still a virgin. Just the thought was insulting to them. I also listened to a student struggling with problems with CPS, and still another who is worried she will be serving jail time starting Monday. All of these girls were between 14-15.No, my peers were not perfect in high school, but our biggest worry was getting caught by parents. I don't ever remember anything more severe than that.

Friday afternoon, as I was walking around my classroom, something caught my eye. I was suprised to see a Hannah Montana keychain on my student's purse (let's call her Maria). I pointed to it and she smiled. "I'm a big fan" she blushed with embarrassment. I just smiled at Maria and told her that I think "Hannah" was very talented and love her songs. Maria gave me hope. My students may seem wild and stubborn sometimes, but they have been through so much and were forced to grow up too fast. Deep down, Maria and the other girls really still are kids. They long for those moments. And I long to see them in those moments.

(p.s. - As I wrote this BLOG I was watching my TIVO'd TXA 21 news from last night. Just as a finished, the part I was looking for aired. Some of our students were able to take a field trip to the station Friday. They were so excited when they got back. Friday night, their picture was shown on the news as the anchor talked about how great they were. Seeing their smiles in the picture on my TV just now was the best ending for this blog...it made me smile. What a great example of my high schoolers just being high schoolers)

Perspective

It amazes me how different cultures and upbringings have completely different perspectives. Working with at-risk teenagers, I often here a lot of things that cause me to rethink my own views. I am made aware of how judgmental I can sometimes be. Today I heard a judgment from a student that I cannot get out of my mind.
Many of my students are young mothers. This student...lets call her Amanda... is a 16-year-old with a 3-month-old son. Her own mother just had Amanda and her sister taken away and put into foster care because the state deemed Amanda's mother unfit. Its easy to pass judgment on her situation, but since I know her well, I have managed not to.
Today we were talking about Romania and the girl I sponsor. Amanda said she often sees the commercials for sponsoring children in other countries and is annoyed. She said, "I don't understand why we can't send them birth control instead...they obviously can't provide for their kids". She said the "problem" will not end unless they stop having babies. Until then, media will always have to beg people to send money overseas. She was sick of it all.
I could not believe it! I can't tell you how many people in my life have said the VERY SAME thing about Amanda and her family's situation, yet she had no clue. I had no idea how to respond. I decided to tell her a bit about perspective, and as nicely as possible explain that some people feel the same way about girls at our school...that they should be forced on birth control because they don't raise kids well. She listened, and knew that this was just information, not my opinion of her at all. I'm not sure she learned anything, but I sure was shocked at her attitude and am still sorting out my thoughts. Feel free to share any of yours...

You are a winner...

My school has a lovely song we sing to our students. By lovely, I mean really cheesy. The lyrics say "Winner, looking at a winner. And I like what I see...You are a winner... (point to students and repeat A LOT)." There is a lot more to the song, but you get the point. It is supposed to be sung every month at our 'pep rallies' aka Winner's Circle. The students hated singing it so much that we decided to cut it out of the monthly meetings. But tonight at graduation the students, friends and family were dancing and singing and having a blast with the song. The lyrics were still the same, but the meaning was different. For some, they celebrated the first person to ever finish high school in their family. For others it was a celebration of overcoming a drug addiction or gang involvement enough to successfully finish school. For others it was a step in the right direction to be able to support their young children.

Most graduations you have those one or two families who yell and scream and make fools of themselves. At our graduation, all the people in the room yell and scream and dance in the isles. The fools are the families who quietly clap.

I grew up in a neighborhood where teenagers were expected to finish school and go to college. It was a huge let down if someone didn't go to a 'real' college but instead a community college. Everyone was expected to go somewhere and very few people let their families down. I was expected to get a degree and get a middle class job. And I did. I lived up to my family and friends' expectations.

Most my students' families also had expectations. Many of the girls are expected to get pregnant before they're 16, and they do. Many of the boys (and some girls) are expected to get so heavily involved in drugs or gangs that they drop out of school, and they do. Some of those same students see no point to school because they expect to be killed before they reach 30. Many of my students expect no one to care if they stop coming to classes, and no one does. Sometimes their previous schools take a year to figure out they have dropped out and only then is truancy filed. Their parents (if they even have parents in their life still) could care less. My students live up to the expectations set on them.

My job is not perfect. It is so stressful. My students fail so many times. But tonight I was reminded why it is worth the dedication. A little over 60 students EXCEEDED expectations. They managed to finish school, some of them with no one encouraging them along the way. No students should be more proud then these students. Tonight I saw pride in the faces of students who never thought they could succeed. I saw their hope of a better life. Some will go on to 4-year colleges, some the community college, and some trade schools. Others will work hard at the jobs they can get to support their families.

Over 50% of my students failed English 1 or 2 this last term. It’s very discouraging. In a year, over half those failed students will have completely dropped out of school. But the others will rise to the expectations I placed on them in my class. I can't wait to see those students walk across that stage. Most will probably not remember me in a few years, but I am so blessed to be a small part of their success. They have overcome obstacles I could not even imagine facing. And that is why I can sing the cheesy song with tears in my eyes...they truly are winners.