I just returned from 3 days of snowboarding and I am very sore...to say the least. The last time I snowboarded, I was 18. I had my own board, matching "outfit" and the whole deal. That was 9 years ago. A lot has happened in 9 years, and luckily I am not the same person I was at 18. I like to see myself as more mature and wise. However I also learned that with that can come some negative.
On my first run, I was really nervous. I was not even sure I remembered how to get off the lift without falling. That would be an embarrassing way to start the day. Everyone saw that I had all the right stuff to be an expert snowboarder and I knew I would not measure up.
I somehow managed not to fall on my face, but when I strapped my board on at the top of the hill and headed down memories came back. I picked up speed and made a sharp turn to the right - flawlessly. I began to go straight and pick up speed again, but as I leaned left I suddenly hesitated and made another right turn. I was starting to go from fast to dangerously-close-to-a-wipe-out fast, so to slow down I turned right again. At this point I was almost in the trees on the right side of the mountain. I needed to head left. So I did what any snowboarder pretending to be an expert would do - I sat down on my butt and flipped my board over so that I was headed left. I went as far left as possible until it was time for my flawless right turn. I was headed for the trees on the right again and it was time to turn left or sit down on the mountain yet again. I sat down.
Somehow the memory of the pain after my very first snowboarding lesson came back. I knew if I turned left and fell, I would fall on my knees. The pain of sliding down an ice patch on my knees had me too scared to even try. The wisdom that had come with 9 years of aging told me to do whatever possible to avoid that pain. I ended up going down the mountain backward (left foot first instead of right). I made it down with minimal falling, but cheated the entire way down.
The next day I woke up determined to turn properly. I was in so much pain from taking the easy way out - I rode my back edge the entire day and my legs were sore. I went to the easiest slope I could find and practiced my turns. I realized that I did remember how to turn left, and every time I tried, I succeeded. The entire 3 days, I only fell once making a left turn. I fell more often when I was trying to "cheat" and avoid the turns. I wanted to write off my lack of ability to wisdom, old age, or pain but I knew the real problem was fear. At 18, I was not afraid of the pain. Somehow between 18 and 27, I learned to avoid anything that might hurt.
Sadly, life on this side of 18 looks a lot like that. I tend to avoid anything risky. It’s easy to mistake caution with fear. I think I am being wise, but really I am afraid. I moved to Fort Worth not knowing a soul, and loved it. Now I am still here and the idea of starting over somewhere else is so scary. The idea of a new job is 'unwise' because I have great benefits and coworkers (so I tell myself). But what if that's what God is wanting for me? Is my fear that I like to call "wisdom" causing me to disobey?
The Bible is filled with people being called to do scary and unwise things (unwise by our world's standards). I may like to say I am wise, but the real problem is a lack of faith. I feared turning left because I had no faith that I could succeed. Though I had fallen on my face a few times in my snowboarding life, I had no reason to believe that I would be permanently damaged by a few left turns. I might have fallen a few times, but overall my ability was reliable, I just needed faith. How much more true is that with God? My boarding ability is by no means flawless, so my faith in my boarding skills may disappoint. But God is perfect; when I take the risk and obey, He is faithful. He may allow some bruises along the way, but He will never let me down.
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