Disappointment

My latest major disappointment? Spider-Man 3. No, this is not a movie review. Keep reading.
The Spider-Man movies have been some of my favorites. I grew up watching the cartoon with my brother Saturday mornings.
The first two movies lived up to my expectations. This last one had a bit too much. Too many villains too little time to develop their characters. I knew in my head how the story was supposed to go. I left the theater entertained, but a bit disappointed. What I had conjured up in my head was so much more amazing. (What's that? This is sounding like a movie review? I told you its not. No, it’s actually about God. Confused yet?)

I was lying in bed last night thinking. If I had not spent so much time thinking about the movie, I probably would have enjoyed it more. Now I am not a nerd; I did not spend hours on end thinking about Peter Parker, but I wasted time anticipating the movie. Everything I imagined it being in my head set the movie up to disappoint me.

As I was pondering this thought in those moments in between asleep and awake, God twisted my thoughts to Him.* How often do I sit and imagine my future? Sometimes its worry. Sometimes its just daydreaming: My future job; My future spouse; My future home. I even spend time imagining my next days, hours, and even the future that is only a few minutes ahead. What a waste of time! I have all these expectations in my mind. When I get a specific idea in my head of what I want tomorrow to look like, I theoretically set God up to disappoint me.

But He never has! Not once. I remember when my whole world was high school. I tried to picture what college would be like. College was so much more fun than I would have ever thought. I know have imagined up some pretty amazing jobs for my future. My favorite was working with youth in New York City. I told anyone and everyone I was going there. (Hmm, James 4:13-15 maybe would have helped there!) I work at a school for at-risk teenagers in River Oaks, TX. Have you even heard of River Oaks? Let's just say its no NYC. And I teach English. I distinctly remember telling my journalism advisors on more than one occasion that I would not make my second teaching field English. I refused. I NEVER wanted to teach English. Yep, God, You're funny sometimes. :)

I can spend hours daydreaming about my ideal job, man, house, or family. God is more amazing then my feeble mind. I would have never thought up my current job, but its perfect for right now. And the ideal man...ok still waiting for that one...but since God is better than my daydreams this one will be a good one :)

The point is this - Why even daydream? What a waste of time! I started thinking about the thing I have probably spent the most time in my life daydreaming about - my future spouse. I am a normal girl, so I don't think I spend more than the average girl thinking about it. Let's say that since I was 16 or so I spend about 5 minutes a day daydreaming about a guy. (Its probably more like 3 hours a day during those times I had crushes and no time at all in those few in between crush-free phases). Ten years later that is 12 days of my life wasted. I am pretty sure whatever type of guy I was daydreaming about at 16 isn't really applicable to what I want now. I know there are countless other things I spent at least 5 minutes a day daydreaming about. I could have spent that time doing something much more eternally significant. Even now, whatever type of guy I am daydreaming about, after much personal growth and maturity, still probably isn't exactly what God knows I need. The same can be said about my future job, home, and children.

So what then should I do instead? While reading Romans 5, God really pointed something out to me. Verse 5 says "And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." I am not a take-the-scripture-out-of-context kind of girl. It would be easy to say that this means if I hope that God will send me a man, He sure will. If I hope for NYC, I will get there. Not quite. Verse 2 explains that the hope is in the Glory of God. If I hope that I will glorify God with my life, He will send me the ways to do that. Right now, He has sent me a great job. If He wants me to glorify Him through a family, He will not disappoint me - He will send the man and later the children.

My response instead of daydreaming? Praise for what He has done, and prayer for what He will do. What if instead of daydreaming, I had spent 12 days in prayer over the last 10 years? Regret, ironically, would be a waste of time. Change is the only option.

*and yes I really did have ALL these thoughts when I was only partially awake :)