Friday, March 13, 2009

Spiritual Highs/Lows

Today was a really great day for just talking to students. Every Friday we do highs/lows (good part of the week, not so good part). Usually before Spring Break kids talk about partying. Somehow in the PM session, God just lead the time.
In the course of 3 hours, I had conversations 5 different students about the following.
1. Youth retreat for the weekend - one of the girls was really excited about her church retreat, mostly because of the fellowship...a nice surprise to learn she is involved in church
2. Youth groups in churches- One of my guys says he is going back to church after a run in with the police last night. Then we (him, another girl and I) discussed youth groups...the students feel youth groups for their population (at-risk areas) don't care about the youth, just babysit them. They like what they called "white" churches because the youth workers care about the youth. But they hate visiting because they are so cliquey
3.Diversity in worship - That lead to a conversation about worshiping in churches with all races and how much more amazing that would be...and that its the way God intended it to be.
4. Abortion and Emotional and Spiritual Ramifications - One student was asked to take his
girlfriend to get an abortion and is afraid to share his views with her. We talked about abortion and the emotional struggles post-abortion...very hard conversation because he is convinced she won't change her mind so he just needs to know how to support her
5. Healing and living your faith - One student acts out in school because of past struggles. He is a Christian and we talked about letting people see that in him...he asked for prayer
6. Promise rings vs. True Love Waits Rings - same guys girlfriend wants a promise ring. He didn't know what that was. We talked about purity and "why wait"
7. Waiting until marriage before living together and working at marriage instead of divorce - different group, similar topic. We were talking about my being single at my age...and somehow they were sharing how they don't think couples should live together. We talked about stats of divorce for those who live together and then how marriage should be worked on...even if hard times come - even cheating...forgiveness is important.

It was such a blessing to have these open doors and conversations, especially after a really long two weeks of really difficult students. But it was also hard to hear that the students are longing for ministry to them - for discipleship, for a prayer, and for fellowship. The need is there...I'm excited to see how God will provide...and willing to be a part of it in any way He allows.

Sex Ed vs. Abstinence Ed

This may be a bit controversial. I tried to explain myself clearly. You don't have to agree...just know that as a teacher and a Christian, these are my thoughts.
Today at work, I talked to a young 16 year-old mother-to-be about her desire take a short vacation as soon as she has her baby because she deserves one. She has no idea that a mother NEEDS to be with her newborn. And a few classes later, I spent 30 minutes talking to one of my male students who is going to take his girlfriend to get an abortion over the break, even though he does not agree with the idea. It broke my heart.
Recent news reports in TX have been debating if the abstinence education programs have been effective. Statistics seem to say the teen pregnancy rate is higher than other states with sex ed programs like California. As a teacher of these teens, I had to react. These are not numbers to me...these are my kids.
The first thing they don't tell you on the news is that California's teen pregnancy rate is not lower, the teen birth rate is lower (similar amounts of girls get pregnant in Cali, but more of the girls have an abortion). And this can hardly mean the STD rate is significantly lower in Cali.
The second thing they don't tell you is that MOST of my students know how to have safe sex. Even the ones not having sex. Most know about STDS. I have even overheard them list symptoms and try to help diagnose each other (eww). But most do not use protection. Why? Because they have had abstinence education instead of sex ed? NO! The reason why my students do not use protection is because they don't want to. These things cannot happen to them. They will not get pregnant. They will not get an STD.
Teenagers have always been known for daring behavior and their "it can't happen to me" attitude. They can be the most brilliant teen in the world and they still might decide to do something crazy- like drive 100mph on the highway, not because they don't know the danger but because nothing will happen to them. We can teach them all about safe driving, but chances are they will still take the risk. I'm pretty sure my own car reached similar speeds in my teen years. We were just bored and having fun. Nothing could happen to us. (Even though we had people in our own class die from the same thing)
My point? My students are not getting pregnant or contracting STDs because they are naive. They do not need Sex Ed to teach them. They are not having unprotected sex because they don't know where to get protection. Most my students tell me they wont use pills because they don't like the way the pills make them feel (they were on them for a while). Most don't use other forms of protection because it "hinders" feelings and they know they won't get pregnant. They also know that the other one is "clean". Schools can spend millions of dollars and hundreds of hours educating kids on "safe" sex and the reality is, the students will still find themselves invincible.
So what about abstinence? Many people see it as a joke. Too many people think that no young person would ever be able to wait until marriage. If the adults have that attitude, how on earth can they expect teens to feel confident that they can wait? Many succeed. But teenagers can be as committed as they want to abstinence and fail. The reality is that abstinence education apart from the commitment to God is almost impossible. Most my students who have sex are not doing it for "fun" at first, but because they desire to feel loved. They may be taught that sex is not love, but that doesn't change the fact that it can feel like a substitute temporarily. Only a relationship with God can fill that emptiness. The teens who succeed in their abstinence vows are not more moral than others. And they do not succeed because of better abstinence education programs. They succeed because they KNOW that God loves them - they do not feel the void that so many have. All of those who are committed to abstinence at my school are vocal about how they commit because of their relationship with Christ. They come from the same difficult at-risk backgrounds as the others, but manage to abstain. They may be tempted, but the reality that God has a plan for their future and the commitment they made to Him is what allows them to have discipline.
Can we teach that in a class? Schools can encourage abstinence all they want, but the truth is, apart from a relationship with God, teens will continue to try to fill the void of love with something, and the temptation will most likely be too hard to resit.
It saddens me that so few of my students have the confidence to avoid saying no to sex even when they originally wanted to wait. It saddens me how many get pregnant and had refused to use pills because they think they look ugly when they gained a little weight from them (or sometimes their guy told them they looked ugly when they gained weight...they aren't even confident enough to protect themselves). It saddens me that some of them PURPOSELY get pregnant so that someone, their baby, will love them unconditionally (and yes, they will tell you this is the reason). It saddens me to know that many of them probably have STDS but I don't even want to ask or know. It breaks my heart most of all that I know that Christ can change their heart and attitude and give them the unconditional love, confidence and joy they so long for in a relationship...but the world labels Christ as offensive for me to share.

(I share anyway anytime I have a chance, and shared today especially with the male struggling with the abortion decision - he asked, God opened the door, I shared. If only that could be the "Sex Ed" curriculum)

Friday, March 06, 2009

My Students

This week was a really bad week. This blog is more for me to remember months from now than it is for you to read. But read anyway...
These past few weeks I have encountered the most disrespect I have ever experienced from my students. I'm really struggling to have compassion for them. Their culture is so lost, and sometimes it just frustrates me that they cannot see that constant drug use, gangs, carrying guns around, and having babies at 14 is not healthy for them emotionally or physically! (And of course, not at all spiritually!) But I graded their essays about fear and/or a journey and here are a few of topics they wrote...puts things in perspective:

When my sister and her girlfriend were killed by a drunk driver
When my dad died of lung cancer last year
I used to watch my stepdad hit my mother and I do not want to be like that to my own baby (that she is currently pregnant with)
I am trying to be a responsible teenage mother (more than one of these essays)
Being chased by the police when I had drugs (he did not get caught)
When a friend was almost shot at a party
When my father abused my mother (both who were drug addicts)
Finding my fathers gun for the first time
Taking ecstasy for the first time feeling I might die
Going to jail for theft
Stealing car radios and getting shot at and chased
Getting evicted from our home with no where to go
Running away with a friend who then wanted to use me for sex and then sleeping on the streets instead until I was so scared I went home