Week 1 of Camp, TEAM SUA

Last year, I wrote pages and pages about my trip, only a week long. This time I have many weeks left of camp, so I will try really hard to keep it short. I may not succeed. I am not even sure where to begin with all the stories and pictures I have, but let me share a little about each kid in my group, starting with the girls.

Ana Maria was shy and sweet when it came to our group, but any chance she had, she was off visiting another team meeting boys from other group homes. Honestly, I had patience with her but the other groups did not. They kept getting annoyed that she was in the group. It wasn’t til the last day that she finally felt part of the group. She became involved in the games and was genuinely sad to leave. Hopefully, she listened a little bit to the message.

Rodica was the most challenging of the group. She was fine on second, and off pouting across the field the next. Anytime she messed up at a game, she threw things and ran off. It was challenging to try to encourage her without knowing the language. The translators were very helpful, and by the end of the week, she was in tears not wanting to leave. She might have been the most challenging, but she was also the most in need of love and attention. At the end of the week, we get a chance to pray for each kid on our team. Praying for her was the hardest because she pulled away from my arms and resisted so much. I know she couldn’t understand my words and that’s probably best, but she more than any I saw this week is very in need of emotional healing.


Arpy and Rupy were the calm within the craziness of our group. Both of them were full of energy and wanted to win. Rupy was a wonderful athlete and loved to help the team. But he also loved to cuddle with any of us who would let him. Arpy tried so hard in all the games and didn’t get discouaraged even if he didn’t do well. He was very attentive during all the lessons, and remembered the details. My prayer for him is that God will allow Arpy to understand all the truth he learned this week.

Then there was Nicosor, a young boy with autism. He was so happy all week long. I am not sure how much of any game he understood, but he always had fun. The simple things were enough to make him smile. He was such a blessing. My prayer for him was that God would help him understand His truth as I know He can.



Last but not least takes a little introduction. While praying about camp this week, my slightly lazy, selfish side was praying for a deep bond with one of the girls, preferably one who liked to sit around and paint nails, create fun hairstyles. God had the complete opposite in mind for me this week and it was such a blessing.

Even before camp started, we heard stories about a kid named Boby who was built like a body builder, full of energy, and only eight years old. Though he sounded fun, I figured the many male interns on this trip would keep him entertained. I can’t imagine a child more opposite of me in personality. Not only did Boby end up in my group, he also attached himself to me. During free time he didn’t want to play soccer with the other kids because they were not good enough. But he wanted to play with me. During group times, he was always cuddling with me, if my arms were around him, his were around me. Instead of relaxing during free time, I was chasing Boby around the entire camp. I was exhausted but it was worth it.

When we finally had to say goodbye, he gave me the longest hug and told me he loved me in Romanian. It was an amazing week.

More pics of the week here...

Week 1 of Camp -Team SUA (RO)

Pics

If you want to see more pics other than the few I post here, go to this link

A few days to rest

I have started 3 out of the last 4 blogs with the words "at last" somewhere in the title. How very unoriginal, but it expresses my anticipation for the weeks to come. The past few days, however, was time for much needed rest.

Friday was a relaxing day of shopping and doing laundry. It was in no way exciting, but the rest was much needed. We did go to training with the 40+ high school age volunteer translators, almost all females. They all love to practice English and laughed at my Romanian pronunciations (mispronunciations that is). Those of you who know I love working with teenagers can imagine how exciting that was. I pray I will be able to build relationships with each of the girls I work with this summer.

Saturday I slept in as much as I could (til 9) and headed out to Real for some snacks to take to camp. It was easy to get the taxi to Real but we weren’t really sure how to take a taxi back. I was able to practice my Romanian skills and ask around for a taxi with very little problems (good think pointing is universal language). Then when our taxi number arrived, a woman ran toward it to take it from us. We didn’t know what to do, but I knew it was our taxi we called for, so I just stuck my head in the window and told the driver where we were going and we got in. The lady looked mad, but another taxi pulled up right after. It would have been more polite to say “Sorry, this is our taxi number so you will just need to wait” but the only words of that I know are “Sorry…taxi…” so I didn’t even try.

Then I went to Casa Ana to visit Maria again. I showed her pictures on my laptop. She loved seeing pictures of my family (also sponsoring her) and of my apartment and car. Honda is a rare import here, so they were very impressed with my fancy car (where as Mercedes makes the local garbage trucks here). Then I opened up Photo Booth and the real fun began. The kids enjoyed making silly faces for almost an hour. Below are some of the photos we took. Enjoy.

Setting up Camp

Camp is all set up and ready for the kids.
This week I learned how to pitch a tent, not just any tent, but British Army tents. As a group, we set up 15 military tents and 3 large pavilion tents. My favorite part of the work had to be when one of the Livada staff members. Alina, and I were cleaning out the storage shed. We had almost cleared out the entire shed and together pulled on a large tarp sitting on the top shelf. Two mice fell over our heads and we both screamed as they ran to out the shed. I picked up a pole and poked at the rest of the tarp and one more mouse ran off. We hesitantly drug the tarp on the ground out the door as we laughed at our adventure. It wasn’t really the mice I was afraid of as much as it was the shock of rodents almost falling on my head. We managed to clean the mouse droppings and organize all the new supplies without running into any other live creatures, a fun bonding experience for the two of us. I borrowed the pics from the livada blog because I was working too hard to take pics.

I am becoming familiar with Targu Mures this week as well. We made a few trips to Real (pronounced Ree Al) which is something like a Wal-Mart or Super-Target. As long as I have Real, I could manage to live here. The evenings have been interesting walking around the city center. We found a cute coffee shop with free internet, which is where I am writing my blogs. We also tried eating out a few times. I have learned that hot dogs here have some thick nasty casing and that Chinese food (sticky rice) tastes the same everywhere. I am also able to read menu items and understand what most of them are, which is great progress.

The other night two of the girls and I went out to dinner and ran into some of the mentor apartment girls. The mentor apartments are places for older orphans in Livada’s care to learn skills they need for real life, like cooking, budgeting, and other things orphanages do not teach. The girls joined us walking around the center and showed us the fun places to go. As we were talking, we saw a man chasing after a woman, both yelling in the street. He tried to kiss her and hold her arm back and she was trying to push him away. The man was obviously drunk. We didn’t know what to do and of course none of the interns spoke Romanian. Ani bravely asked the women if we should call the police. We stood at a distance and as soon as the man turned to walk the other way, Ani called the woman over to us to make sure she was safe. The woman explained that the man lived with her and her kids and often acted like this when drunk. She had a scar on her head that looked like she had been hit. Ani proceeded to boldly tell her that she should kick this man out and did not need to let him treat her this way. The woman had heard the same thing from friends but did not listen. We offered to pray for her, which she allowed, and then we parted ways. Hopefully God will use total strangers to help her realize her situation and make the right choice. Regardless of what she does, it was amazing to see Ani take such leadership counseling a total stranger. I have no idea where Ani is in her relationship with God, but she obviously has been through a lot in her orphanage days and it was great to see how God could use her and her experiences to help her be bold and counsel others. I am sure God will do great things with her.

Meeting the kids at last

At last, we’ve been able to hang out with the kids. Not only was it fun, but also it makes for better stories and pictures.
Saturday we went to the baby hospital. The babies were adorable but it was so hard to leave knowing that they will just stay in the crib all day with no one to play with them or hold them. Livada has set up a program to visit this hospital about three times a week just to love on the kids, teach them to walk and talk to them. I am so glad they have this, but it still breaks my heart to know that so many other hospitals exist without anyone to come at all.
Then we went to one of the orphanages, Zau. We were not allowed to take photos, but one of the little girls, Emilia, jumped in our car and used my camera to take a photo of us. She was a bit shorter than me, which is obvious from the angle ☺ The kids had so much fun playing with us and were fighting for attention. I taught a few girls some dances, threw a football, and enjoyed the swings, which were not made for my size people. There were a couple girls there who were deaf and a few of our team members knew ASL. Though it was a bit different then the sign they knew, it made there day to have people able to play and communicate with them. I am so excited to see the relationships that will be built there.
Today I went to church at First Baptist Targu Mures. It was actually very similar to Wedgwood’s format and music style (my church back in Texas). We had headsets to translate the sermon. I was so tired which made it really hard to stay awake, but I am excited to go there every week to see the Livada kids.
The next part of the day we went to the “Casas” to visit the Livada kids. For those of you who don’t know what I mean, Livada pulled three groups of orphans from the worst orphanage and started their own group homes for these kids. They have been in Livada’s care 3-4 years and are healing from the past. They live in a family-type setting with some natural siblings and some others. Livada funds the group homes through sponsorship of each child (let me know if you want more info on how to do this or go here...http://livada.org/learn_about_sponsorship.htm)
My family and I have been sponsoring a girl named Maria. I saw her very briefly last year and decided to sponsor her when I arrived back in TX. Today I was able to meet her again. She was so excited. We went for a walk and talked about the fun things she and I can do together this summer. I have weekends off and can visit her as often as I like. I can also help with her Sunday school class!. I asked her what she liked to eat and she quickly replied French Fries, especially McDonalds. I knew God had led me to the right girl ☺
And last of all, here is a pic of my room so you can see where I stay when I am not sleeping in a tent. And yes, it’s messy. It’s really great to wake up to the sun shining in every morning and to be able to unpack everything in all the space. I’ll update with a pic of the outside of the house someday when it’s finally not raining.

Targu Mures at last

I’ve arrived in Romania safely at last!
The trip here was relatively uneventful, with the only exception being a very thorough search of “my person” from German officials. It seems the foil gum wrapper that I forgot was in my pocket was very suspicious.
It is a very surreal feeling to be in the midst of a crazy school year, then a few very long plane rides later be in Romania. The reality of the next two months is yet to set in. I slept only about three hours total in the 22 hours of travel, so as you can imagine I am very tired.
We are staying at the same house my team stayed at last year. There is one big room and two smaller rooms. I have a smaller room with another girl. We have tons of shelf space/drawers and so I was already able to unpack all my stuff. There are two bathrooms for twelve females for the first four weeks, so we will see how things work in the mornings.
This week we are mainly setting up the campsite to get things ready for the kids. It will be hard work and is not in my area of expertise. I remember trying to set up a tent at D-NOW this year as part of a race and I am pretty sure our group had to give up because we were taking close to twenty minutes. Perhaps I am better at setting up military tents?
Pictures will come soon. So far we have only been to the city center and Metro, a big grocery store much like SAM’s Club. The city hasn’t changed, so I didn’t take any new pics, and I did not take any pictures at Metro because I was too busy trying to read Romanian nutritional labels.

Romania at last!

At last its time to go to Romania!
I can't wait. This blog will be completely transformed into Romania updates for the next few months. I'll update with pics as soon as I arrive. More to come soon...

Memorial Day

Last night I celebrated Memorial Day, not at a party, but really celebrated the holiday. Kansas City is the home of the National World War I Memorial. With the Holocaust, Pearl Harbor, and all the other dramatic and fascinating things about WWII, most tend to forget what WWI was even about. It took a lot of brain power to think back to my days of High School history class and remember the who, what, when, where and why of the war. Actually, I could not remember much. Thankfully the museum helped refresh my memory. (If ever in KC, I suggest you visit).It was supposed to be the war to end all wars. Obviously, it was not. The trench warfare claimed about 20 million lives.
The WWI Memorial is the site of an annual Memorial Day celebration, complete with the Kansas City symphony and fireworks. It was amazing. For those of you from TX, think Concert in the Gardens on July 4th, except with only $2 parking instead of $20+ tickets per person. The most amazing part about it was unique to this year's program- Frank Buckles, the only current living US WWI veteran. He enlisted in WWI at 17. He stayed in Europe for a few years after the war to help people recover and even went on to fight in WWII, spending most of it at a POW camp in the Philippines. Frank is 107 years old. Can you imagine the stories he can tell? It was amazing to see him sitting there. Somehow, it helped the message and purpose of Memorial day hit home. I admit, as they played a song for him a teared up just a bit.
Between that and playing songs of each military branch as those who served stood all around me, I realized how amazing it truly is. I am not and will never be a fan of war. I love my country, but I am not sure I have the dedication these men and woman have. So many lost their lives so that I can enjoy freedom. They truly deserved to be honored with more than just an outdoor cookout.


Frank Buckles, age 16 and last night.

Summer in Romania

Only a little over two weeks until I am in Romania.
For those of you curious, here is a video from last summer's camps.
I was there week 6 (so look for some pics of me). This year, I will be a part of all but one of the camps. I cannot wait to see what God does this summer.

If you want to receive prayer updates or if you would like to support these kids financially, please let me know. I will be using this blog for pics and updates this summer. Thanks for reading it and I know this summer it will be filled with wonderful stories of how God is at work in Romania.

Erin's Goals (November 1996)

During my sophomore year of high school, one of my teachers had us create a booklet of our goals. We had to create a one year goal, five year goal, and a ten year goal. I remember thinking it was a silly assignment because who knew what life bring. While home in Kansas, I stumbled across my booklet.
My one year goal was simple - good grades and physical fitness.
My five year goal was to be in college at K-State or Colorado State. Ok, the college changed to TCU but I would call that exceeding my goal.
My ten year goal was the most interesting. I remember writing it thinking it was so far into the future. Ten years from then was last school year, my first year teaching English full-time. I wrote in the booklet, "My ten-year goal is to have a job of either a journalist or a teacher...I think having either job would make my life seem more complete and allow me to have fun and enjoy my work..." I wrote this book a few weeks before I became a Christian. It amazes me that God took me down that same path, one He had laid on my heart even before I knew Him. It is somewhat odd to me that I didn't put anything about a husband or family...I am pretty sure at the time I thought that 26 would be too soon for marriage and a family. My idea of a complete life was having a job I love.
During the years that followed college, I had no desire to teach or write. I struggled with what I wanted to do with life. Its funny that I constantly wrestled with something I had apparently figured out in 10th grade. I am proud to say I achieved all my goals.
(Now perhaps its time to set new ones...one, five, and ten years.)

Trading in the "teacher clothes"

I just got back from a 2 hour trip to TJ Max, my new favorite store. A few weeks back I bought my Laundry brand "prom" dress there for $29.99 regularly $235. A few months ago, my mom and I bought some 7 jeans for only $50, regularly $170. No, I'm not trying to advertise for them, I just love big savings.
My summer in Romania will mostly be spent sleeping in M.A.S.H-style military tents and running around outside playing games. I decided my Ann Taylor LOFT teacher clothes, my fitted T-shirts and my LOFT and JCrew sweats would not do, partly because they are not made for sports, partly because either I've stretched out my sweatpants or shrunk me because they keep falling off. I really don't have anything else. So I hooked myself up with my credit card cashback bonus award in the form of a TJ Max gift card. Surely I could find some good stuff there and save money.
Today I stayed away from the dresses and jeans, despite serious temptation. I worked my way up and down the "active wear" area, a place I am not at all familiar with. To my delight, I found BCBG sweatshirt with a very cute design, regularly $130, only $30 for the top. What a great sweatshirt for Romania! It was only short-sleeved, but it was so "me". I carried it around the entire time, hunting for the matching pants. However I noticed the tag recommended dry cleaning. Hmm. Probably not what I need.
I am proud of me. It was very difficult to give up the designer brand, but I instead found a more practical wind and water resistant jacket, some black shorts, a pair of sweat pants that wont fall off, and few shirts made for sports. All of this was for less than one TJ Max-priced BCBG sweatsuit. And I still saved big - over $100 off original prices. I even found a USA soccer jersey that will fit perfectly in to our Olympics camp theme. My completely non-sporty self now owns real athletic gear instead of the fancy imitation stuff. Perhaps its the start of a less brand-obsessed me? Nah... I must confess, if I am going to give up my LOFT fashion for the summer and dress like an athlete, I will wear the best brand of active wear possible...all but one purchase was Adidas :)
Now if only wearing Adidas attire would make me a great athlete...at least I'll look the part.

New Kids on the Block aren't so new anymore...

this is not spiritual at all...but it needed to be said...
When I was in 4th grade, I was in love with Joey McIntyre...or so I thought.
Since then, the band that later became NKOTB disappeared from the spotlight. Boybands took over the airwaves, and still not a sound or song from my favorite boy band. Now finally at last, they are making a comeback.
New Kids on the Block are not so new and not at all kids though...the youngest is about 35 now. I'm not sure how that will go over with fans. I am willing to bet some of their youthful charm has faded. Most young girls don't find themselves drooling over 30-40 somethings.
Although the new single doesn't sound too bad, the lyrics are lacking...
Listen to how the lyrics describe a girl the first time they met during a Summer romance in 1988... "With your flip flops, half shirt, short shorts, mini skirt, Walkin' on the beach, so pretty..." Have you ever seen a girl wear short shorts AND a mini skirt? I know the 80s and early 90s had some odd fashion, but I don't even think its possible. Maybe the song writer meant that the girl was wearing a skort? Very popular back in '88. (I'm sure that's not what the writer meant, but could he not have come up with another article of clothing to fill the beat that made more sense?)
Then there is this one...
"I was like, "hey, girl, can I get your number" I remember what you told me too, "Don't call after ten" But you know that I did, 'Cause I couldn't stop thinkin' 'bout you." TOO and YOU rhyme...I will give them that.
Props for trying to fit big words like "reminisce" into a song. I'll stop with the lyrics there because who knows if the New Kids had anything to do with writing the song.
It actually reminds me of Justin Timberlake's Summer Love...perhaps a sequel to the song, years later when the young 20 year old subject of Summer Love is nearing 40 and having a mid-life crisis :).
If you're going to make a comeback after almost 20 years of absence, you really need an amazing song. This is not it. My loyalty is still to Joey though, so I will try my best to enjoy the song.
Then and Now (honestly, I think its an improvement for most of them)

From the pages of my journal...

Tonight I spent an evening in, to work on some cleaning and organize some stuff for Romania. In my search for my power adapter, I came across my journals, my 16 journals, a record of my life from 2000 until now. Curiosity drew me in and I began to flip through the pages of each one.
I remember many times in my life where I felt like I hit rock bottom and wondered how I ever got to that point. I came across a few of those entries which were interesting, however I found that if flipped back a few months, there was the answer. I always knew I was headed the wrong direction.
My most recent struggle seemed to come out of nowhere. I flipped back to a journal from years ago, the month that I began this situation that I currently struggle with. These are real words day by day for about a month and half when my problems started. It keeps going for a year of journaling. I am amazed at my lack of wisdom and how I let myself just walk into a problem. I realized tonight that I should probably pay attention to what I have been journaling... These are my words from the beginning of a serious time of spiritual struggle:
"What fun tonight. But what danger...."
"I am making poor social decisions..."
"This needs to end. 5 nights of no journaling..."
"This lifestyle is pointless...I am in no way growing spiritually..."
"My quiet times are slowly disappearing..."
"Friendship should be so much deeper than socializing..."
"What is the point of all this? None of this will last..."
"Responsible decision making would be nice, but..."
"My mind knows nothing about what it wants..."
"This isn't working. What is the point...this is NOT drawing me closer to You..."
"I scarcely remember who I was..."
"I am scared about who I am capable of becoming..."
"This confuses me...I feel like I am becoming someone I'm not..."
"I am setting myself up for extreme disappointment..."
"What am I becoming?..."
"Who am I and what am I doing?...."
"What is this drama?..."
"Obviously, I am straying from You, but..."
"Fix me...I don't know what I think of feel anymore..."
"I don't want this life..."
"I need to be changed..."
"More church. No growth. An endless pattern..."
"I don't want to be a part of this..."
"A wasted day..."
"I left. I don't want to go back...only back to You..."
"I barely remember who I was..."
"I cannot do this anymore..."
As I began to struggle, and the same struggle filled my journal for over a year. My first reaction seeing this was that I am an idiot. How sad that I clearly knew God's direction but followed after my own desires? I know I did not guard my heart from these problems. I know I made selfish decisions that obviously affected my journaling and relationship with God. I am back on track now, still needing to grow and heal, but hopefully I will not allow myself to be so blinded again.

Perhaps my job is better than I thought...

For some reason, today I was thinking about a few things I love about my job that would be hard to duplicate anywhere else:

I have a 15 minute highway-free commute to work.

My bank is less than a minute drive away.

The post office is less than a minute drive away.

I get to dress up fancy for prom every year.

I get summers off.

Instead of staring a boring computer, I get to interact with teenagers who are unpredictable make me laugh so much (on good days that is, when they are awake!)

Highs and Lows

Every Friday, my students and I do this thing called "Highs and Lows"...the best part and worst part of your week. The rule is you cannot share a "low" without a "high" because its not good to focus on just the negative. I realize when it comes to my job, I have not been doing that...so here are some "Highs" from the year...names are changed for legal reasons :)

Manuel read the book Night completely on his own and loved it. He told me it was the first book he read since Green Eggs and Ham. He was so excited. He and I had many great conversations during and after the book. As the term unfolded, he dropped out to work full time. Although I wish he was still in school, Manuel is determined to be a good father to his newborn son. I am glad I got to make an impact on his life before he left.

James transformed himself into an amazingly convincing lawyer, defending Jack Merridew for his alleged crimes in Lord of the Flies. Not only was it wonderful acting that belonged in a court drama, but this gangster had everyone entertained. He had rarely succeeded in school and loved that he was able to do so well on the project. He also loved that he had a chance to carry out his dream to be an entertainer. (Unfortunately he was so good at it because he has had a bit too much experience in court and I think that is why he is no longer at our school...hopefully I will see him back next year).

Selena, who hated my class and me the first term, was in trouble in all her classes often for anger problems and fighting. She has passed all my classes and is starting to open up to me. She read ahead in our class book (Night) just because she wanted to during TAKS week and she is starting to show some of her real emotions, especially when we talked about abuse. I can tell its a part of her story and I am praying for more chances to talk to her.

John and his brother dropped out of school at the beginning of the year, shortly after their fifteenth birthdays, and have been out all year. They just came back last week. Although they are disappointed to be in the same class yet again, (tends to happen when you drop out in the middle of a term) John has a really good attitude this time around- I think he is finally mature enough to make it this time around.

David is one of the smartest students I have seen at my school. Last term, he skipped often and seemed to be on drugs every day. He never did his work and did not seem to care. I know he had some serious legal intervention, which may seem bad from his perspective, but now he is such a blessing to my class. He is doing all his work and wanting to research the Holocaust above and beyond what we learn in class. He is teaching me new things each day. He keeps me on my toes and calls me out on anything I don't seem to know well (a lot more than it should be). He is on his 4th year as a 9th grader and I think he is finally ready to move to 10th grade!

Amanda, one of the angriest looking girls I have ever seen, was placed in my advisory. The first time I saw her, she was in a Playboy Bunny jacket (totally out of dress code) and I was afraid to say anything- she looked scary. I figured she would be trouble. But God had other plans. I have never had any student open up to me so much. She has shared so much of her struggles. This year, her son was born. She managed to get off drugs so she could be a good mother. She had her own mother taken from her a few weeks ago...her own mother who helped Amanda and all her sisters become drug addicts. Her 12 year old sister is in foster care and still using drugs. Amanda is determined to help influence her positively. She comes to me to talk almost daily.

Juan has been a student of mine since my very first term. He was in my writing class and refused to write any essays...so he failed. He and I started talking and I learned that when he was in 7th grade, his teacher told him his writing was horrible along with some other choice words. The teacher probably had a bad day and thought nothing of it. Juan had not written any essays since. In the last two years, through encouragement from teachers, Juan had the courage to write again and finally passed ELA TAKS. He still needs to write an essay for my English class, then he can graduate. Although he hates writing, Night was his favorite book so is going to write it. I will get to see him graduate in June! I am not sure I could be more excited for anyone else except maybe my own child someday. I cannot wait to see him walk across that stage!

Hi, I'm Erin and I'm from TEXAS????

something random that has been bugging me a lot...
For my mission trip this summer, I am listed as 'Erin from Fort Worth, TX'. I don't know why, but it really bugs me. I am and always have been from Kansas City. Initially, I wanted to write back and insist the leader change me to 'Erin from Kansas City, KS who happens to be flying from DFW airport'. That would obviously be ridiculous. I lived in KS for the first 18 years of my life but I have lived in TX for 8 years plus now. At what point does this become home? Am I really from Texas???!!!! AHHH! Perhaps its time to move :)

Back to the Future (or Present, that is...)

For those of you who don't know, I am going to spend 2 months living in Romania this summer. I am so excited, but I must admit my brain has already arrived in Targu Mures, Transylvania. Instead of focusing on the now, I am caught daydreaming about the possibilities all the time. It's not that I am worried about the summer, I am just longing to be there.
Some of my favorite verses that God keeps teaching me about are in James 4. Verse 13 begins...Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." 14Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. 15Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that."
I struggle with this so much. I constantly want to boast in what I think the Lord's plan must be. I have made that mistake a few times before, boasting about future plans. So many plans have been God's plans, but then I tweak them and add my own details as I daydream of how I think He can use me doing this or that. Is it evil? That seems harsh, but God has been pointing out a few sins in my life that have come as a result:
1. I don't trust Him enough to plan details. I hate that this is true. I feel I trust Him, but I also seem to love my ability to create daydreams. How sad is it that I would rather rely on my limited creativity for my life plans, than to rely on the unique designer mountains, sunsets, and all things beautiful and author of stories I could not even dream of writing...the plan of salvation as seen in prophecy and allegorically in the Old Testament, carried out in the New Testament and still seen today for just one small example :) My writing talent does not compare- I have a feeling He will write in much more amazing details.
2. Daydreaming about the future means I am not content with now. I am in no way unhappy. I just find that my imagination is much more exciting than His current work in my life. What am I missing out on? Perhaps I am bored with the now because I am not being obedient to the details and callings He wants to put in my life today.
I don't know that I can stop daydreaming altogether anytime soon...I think its part of being a girl. But I do know that I no longer want to miss out on the present. It's time to move my brain back to Fort Worth, TX until June rolls around and it's truly time to arrive in Romania mentally AND physically.

Growing up too fast

Last night, I was finally able to see the movie Enchanted. I secretly wanted to see it in theaters, but my 20-something peers had no desire to spend their hard earned dollars on Disney flicks. That is why I love working with youth. At the girls retreat last night, we piled into the youth room and watched Amy Adams sing her heart out on the projectors. Only Adams wasn't the only one singing. The girls could not sit still. By the time the song "How does He know that You love Him" came on, the girls were actually up dancing and skipping around the room. They had blankets and pillows waving everywhere as a line of girls followed the "leader" around in circles imitating the random people following Adam's character around in the movie. It made me smile.

I had a really long week at work. I was almost in tears with stress and frustration. (See the last post for just a tiny bit of the drama). I can't tell you what a blessing it was to leave my students and spend time with youth. The difference - the youth aren't afraid to still be kids. The girls skipping around singing were the exact same age as some of most my students - yet my students conversations tend to be about clubbing, drinking and drugs or worries about pregnancy, tickets, or problems with parents. As the youth sang and danced, I tried to imagine how my little gangsters would act if they were in the room.

It's actually really sad. Sometimes I wish I could pull my students aside from their conversations and tell them its okay to be young. What happened to good old fashioned fun? I remember some birthday parties in early high school that consisted of singing songs from Grease at the top of our lungs. This week, I walked by during a conversation of a group of girls were each was defending themselves, saying of course they were not still a virgin. Just the thought was insulting to them. I also listened to a student struggling with problems with CPS, and still another who is worried she will be serving jail time starting Monday. All of these girls were between 14-15.No, my peers were not perfect in high school, but our biggest worry was getting caught by parents. I don't ever remember anything more severe than that.

Friday afternoon, as I was walking around my classroom, something caught my eye. I was suprised to see a Hannah Montana keychain on my student's purse (let's call her Maria). I pointed to it and she smiled. "I'm a big fan" she blushed with embarrassment. I just smiled at Maria and told her that I think "Hannah" was very talented and love her songs. Maria gave me hope. My students may seem wild and stubborn sometimes, but they have been through so much and were forced to grow up too fast. Deep down, Maria and the other girls really still are kids. They long for those moments. And I long to see them in those moments.

(p.s. - As I wrote this BLOG I was watching my TIVO'd TXA 21 news from last night. Just as a finished, the part I was looking for aired. Some of our students were able to take a field trip to the station Friday. They were so excited when they got back. Friday night, their picture was shown on the news as the anchor talked about how great they were. Seeing their smiles in the picture on my TV just now was the best ending for this blog...it made me smile. What a great example of my high schoolers just being high schoolers)

The second time around...

Today grades were due. I love my job most days, but this was not one of those days. My students make some really poor decisions sometimes. It is amazing how they are unable to see the longterm effects of things. Each term, students are allowed 3 absences. If they miss more than 3 days, they may come to the opposite school session ANY day (AM students can come PM, PM to an AM) or they can make up classes after school, and the last few weeks they can even make up days on a Saturday. It takes 2 hours to make up a 4 hour absence. It is really not that hard to do. Twenty four of my students FAILED because they did not make up the days. Twenty four students will lose credit this term and need to repeat ALL 4 classes. Almost all of these students would have passed otherwise.
Seventeen students failed my class this term because they did not turn in the pages that they ALREADY FINISHED coloring all term long. They needed to glue the pages to a sheet of paper and turn it in to me by Friday. They had TWO days to GLUE! They will be repeating the entire term because they had a borderline low grade and didn't turn in their coloring. How sad!
Today, as we started term 4 classes, I was confronted by at least 5 students who were confused about their schedules. They were sure they had already studied Romeo and Juliet. Why yes, they did. And yes, they did understand it and do almost all the work. However, because poor attendance choices or one major assignment not turned in, they now need to do it ALL again. They are completely crushed, but they knew this back in Term 2 when they made the choice. It is amazing how the consequences suddenly set in. They felt no disappointment when they saw the failing grade on their Term 2 report card, but suddenly they realize what it means. For those students, today is the first of many boring days sitting in the same 4 classes for the second time around. And for some discouraged souls, its the fourth and fifth time around. I like Romeo and Juliet as much as the next person, but can you imagine learning it four times or more?
Each time this happens, I am not sure how to feel. Part of me has pity and wants to bump them up to passing this time around. I want them to have at least the hope of passing. But part of me knows that they need to learn to make good choices. I really don't have any deep spiritual thoughts when it comes to my students. I struggle between being the compassionate teacher giving hope or the disciplined educator producing students who excel. No matter how I feel, all 8 of my current classes have at least one person in each for whom it is the second time around.

Perspective

It amazes me how different cultures and upbringings have completely different perspectives. Working with at-risk teenagers, I often here a lot of things that cause me to rethink my own views. I am made aware of how judgmental I can sometimes be. Today I heard a judgment from a student that I cannot get out of my mind.
Many of my students are young mothers. This student...lets call her Amanda... is a 16-year-old with a 3-month-old son. Her own mother just had Amanda and her sister taken away and put into foster care because the state deemed Amanda's mother unfit. Its easy to pass judgment on her situation, but since I know her well, I have managed not to.
Today we were talking about Romania and the girl I sponsor. Amanda said she often sees the commercials for sponsoring children in other countries and is annoyed. She said, "I don't understand why we can't send them birth control instead...they obviously can't provide for their kids". She said the "problem" will not end unless they stop having babies. Until then, media will always have to beg people to send money overseas. She was sick of it all.
I could not believe it! I can't tell you how many people in my life have said the VERY SAME thing about Amanda and her family's situation, yet she had no clue. I had no idea how to respond. I decided to tell her a bit about perspective, and as nicely as possible explain that some people feel the same way about girls at our school...that they should be forced on birth control because they don't raise kids well. She listened, and knew that this was just information, not my opinion of her at all. I'm not sure she learned anything, but I sure was shocked at her attitude and am still sorting out my thoughts. Feel free to share any of yours...