This may be a bit controversial. I tried to explain myself clearly. You don't have to agree...just know that as a teacher and a Christian, these are my thoughts.
Today at work, I talked to a young 16 year-old mother-to-be about her desire take a short vacation as soon as she has her baby because she deserves one. She has no idea that a mother NEEDS to be with her newborn. And a few classes later, I spent 30 minutes talking to one of my male students who is going to take his girlfriend to get an abortion over the break, even though he does not agree with the idea. It broke my heart.
Recent news reports in TX have been debating if the abstinence education programs have been effective. Statistics seem to say the teen pregnancy rate is higher than other states with sex ed programs like California. As a teacher of these teens, I had to react. These are not numbers to me...these are my kids.
The first thing they don't tell you on the news is that California's teen pregnancy rate is not lower, the teen birth rate is lower (similar amounts of girls get pregnant in Cali, but more of the girls have an abortion). And this can hardly mean the STD rate is significantly lower in Cali.
The second thing they don't tell you is that MOST of my students know how to have safe sex. Even the ones not having sex. Most know about STDS. I have even overheard them list symptoms and try to help diagnose each other (eww). But most do not use protection. Why? Because they have had abstinence education instead of sex ed? NO! The reason why my students do not use protection is because they don't want to. These things cannot happen to them. They will not get pregnant. They will not get an STD.
Teenagers have always been known for daring behavior and their "it can't happen to me" attitude. They can be the most brilliant teen in the world and they still might decide to do something crazy- like drive 100mph on the highway, not because they don't know the danger but because nothing will happen to them. We can teach them all about safe driving, but chances are they will still take the risk. I'm pretty sure my own car reached similar speeds in my teen years. We were just bored and having fun. Nothing could happen to us. (Even though we had people in our own class die from the same thing)
My point? My students are not getting pregnant or contracting STDs because they are naive. They do not need Sex Ed to teach them. They are not having unprotected sex because they don't know where to get protection. Most my students tell me they wont use pills because they don't like the way the pills make them feel (they were on them for a while). Most don't use other forms of protection because it "hinders" feelings and they know they won't get pregnant. They also know that the other one is "clean". Schools can spend millions of dollars and hundreds of hours educating kids on "safe" sex and the reality is, the students will still find themselves invincible.
So what about abstinence? Many people see it as a joke. Too many people think that no young person would ever be able to wait until marriage. If the adults have that attitude, how on earth can they expect teens to feel confident that they can wait? Many succeed. But teenagers can be as committed as they want to abstinence and fail. The reality is that abstinence education apart from the commitment to God is almost impossible. Most my students who have sex are not doing it for "fun" at first, but because they desire to feel loved. They may be taught that sex is not love, but that doesn't change the fact that it can feel like a substitute temporarily. Only a relationship with God can fill that emptiness. The teens who succeed in their abstinence vows are not more moral than others. And they do not succeed because of better abstinence education programs. They succeed because they KNOW that God loves them - they do not feel the void that so many have. All of those who are committed to abstinence at my school are vocal about how they commit because of their relationship with Christ. They come from the same difficult at-risk backgrounds as the others, but manage to abstain. They may be tempted, but the reality that God has a plan for their future and the commitment they made to Him is what allows them to have discipline.
Can we teach that in a class? Schools can encourage abstinence all they want, but the truth is, apart from a relationship with God, teens will continue to try to fill the void of love with something, and the temptation will most likely be too hard to resit.
It saddens me that so few of my students have the confidence to avoid saying no to sex even when they originally wanted to wait. It saddens me how many get pregnant and had refused to use pills because they think they look ugly when they gained a little weight from them (or sometimes their guy told them they looked ugly when they gained weight...they aren't even confident enough to protect themselves). It saddens me that some of them PURPOSELY get pregnant so that someone, their baby, will love them unconditionally (and yes, they will tell you this is the reason). It saddens me to know that many of them probably have STDS but I don't even want to ask or know. It breaks my heart most of all that I know that Christ can change their heart and attitude and give them the unconditional love, confidence and joy they so long for in a relationship...but the world labels Christ as offensive for me to share.
(I share anyway anytime I have a chance, and shared today especially with the male struggling with the abortion decision - he asked, God opened the door, I shared. If only that could be the "Sex Ed" curriculum)
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